Blessings, Bliss, and Bailey: Visions, Teacups, and Other Ramblings

I think it is important for people to be aware of their own personality, especially if we are all going to admit that we have flaws. (Which we should)
For instance, I know that I would be characterized as a person who is energetic, independent, funny, witty, dependable, adventurous, tidy, and determined. These in and of themselves are good traits, but where there is one trait, their can't be others... for example... I wish to be more calm, gentle, patient, and quiet - but that doesn't work to well with my energetic, adventurous, determined personality.

In the same sense, some of our positives can spawn negatives... like, because I am determined and tidy - I can also be bossy. Likewise because I like being funny and witty, I can also be sarcastic.
I guess what I am saying is that we all are a certain way, we were born that way - and sometimes it is good and sometimes it is bad. The important thing is to be aware of it. After all, isn't the point of all this to grow? I am slowly learning WHO I can be bossy and sarcastic with and also who I cannot. Unfortunately Christian sees my bossy and my friends see my sarcastic ;-)

I got started on all of this when I recently fell into one of my introspective moods. While I am wild and crazy, I also enter into times of stillness and reflection (though very short) This blog is a good example of my still and reflective moments ~

It started in bed one night when I was reading my devotional. This reading was about finding peace in your day and not worrying about things out of your control. It then referenced John 14:27

"My peace I leave you, my peace I give to you - I do not give to you as the world gives, do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

Now, for any Catholic, this verse is nothing new... it is spoken every Sunday before communion followed by a kiss or handshake to the people around you. The entire symbolism is you cannot partake in the communion if you are not IN communion with the people around you i.e One Body.
So after that I thought, wow, I have heard that verse a thousand times but it seemed different that night. So, the next day I wrote it on our verse of the week board in our kitchen. Now, fast forward to mass that following Sunday.

The priest reads three readings each week and low and behold his third reading was that verse! And not in the context of communion, but in the message for that week. I suddenly became very aware and that is when I literally felt the holy spirit enter my body. I know what you are thinking... but it's not like Demi Moore in Ghost - it's more quiet. (I did get some serious goose bumps though)
I got really focused and then became overcome with this verse. Then the church stood to sing and it happened... they sang "All is Well with My Soul". This was hands down one of my mother's top three songs. I thought, "Great! Now my MOTHER is getting involved!" I started getting that lump in my throat and then the tears started falling... people around me surely thought I was nuts - Christian was out of town so it was just Bailey and I - but I pulled it together and sang out! As I left that day, I felt full - full of the spirit, but also a little confused. What am I supposed to do with these messages of peace?

Now fast forward to that week. It was mothers day and I got a package in the mail from Bailey's birth grandmother. It was a new devotional by one of my favorite authors! I was so glad to get a new one because the one I had I was surely on my third read through. So that night, I got in bed and opened the book to the correct day and there it was... John 14:27. I had now encountered this verse three times! I knew there was a reason - God was somehow trying to tell me something - peace?

I started thinking more about what in my life am I not at peace with and then it hit me - all of this was right after my Infertility Post. I basically put together that this was His response to that writing. I must find peace. If I had more kids would that be it? Would I be completely satisfied? Probably not - then I would find something else to obsess about. That is because we cannot find peace in this world. There is no peace. There may be an absence of war, or fighting, or sickness, or death, but that is not peace. Peace is also hard for me... my personality does not necessarily lend itself to calming peace - but, I have to do it. So, that is it. I have hung up my hat or more appropriately, my fallopian tubes. I am not spending another second of my life thinking about it. And as it turns out, since then - I haven't thought about it!

Since my intervention (as I like to call it) I have come into contact with several people who are struggling with uncertainties in their life. Some like me, struggle with fertility, some struggle with finding the right person and getting married, some struggle with money, and some struggle with jobs.

Anyhow, I remembered a book that was given to me by my best friend following my first fertility surgery - "Calm My Anxious Heart". In her book, Linda Dillow discusses why we as women struggle to find contentment. First we want to get a good job, then we want to be married, then we want babies, then we want better husbands, then we don't want kids in exchange for more free time and of course money, then we want a career again... ahhhhhh! We keep on spinning! We go round and round trying to appease every little desire without realizing that there are women out there that would kill for THAT job, or THAT husband or THOSE kids!
My favorite part of the book she discussed what she calls "Teacup Theology".

Teacup Theology

God has lovingly assigned each of us to be a uniquely special teacup. Perhaps we’re an antique cup, painted with dainty roses set in gold. Maybe we see ourselves as an everyday cup — useful, but a little chipped around the edges. Or we could be a heavy-duty mug — rugged, unbreakable, and able to hold much. Then God fills our cup with our portion, what He determines best. Our portion is our physical and emotional being, our abilities, circumstances, roles, and relationships. Sometimes we don’t like what’s been poured into our cup. Remember the Lord Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane? When He saw the suffering He was about to endure, He pleaded, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42). Christ grasped the handle of His cup and lifted it to God and said, “I accept my portion. Infuse me with Your strength that I may drink.” Every cup — whether dainty china or rough-hewn pottery — has a handle. God has placed our portion in our cup. We either choose to grasp it by the handle and lift it to Him, saying, “I accept my portion; I accept this cup,” or we choose to smash our cup to pieces, saying, “God, I refuse my portion. This cup is not the right size for me and I don’t like what You’ve put in it. I’ll control my life myself.”

This was so profound to me because it really simplifies what our actions look like from the outside looking in. Why are we so disappointed with our "cup" at times? Don't we realize that a million people would gladly take our cup?!?!?

Lastly, I came across this quote this week and thought it fit well with "accepting our cup"

“Every girl is expected to have caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama and doll tits. This is why everyone is struggling.”

-Tina Fey.

I hope to instill in Bailey the ability to not be merely satisfied with her cup - but thankful. No matter what her personality, her flaws, her gifts, or her handicaps. This is HER specially designed cup :)

Aside from visions and teacups, Christian was BACK in Asia in June. I swear sometimes I feel like I am married to someone in the service! He usually goes for 2.5 weeks but when he comes home he is useless for like a week (which sends me over the edge). He is like, "what do you expect?" I tell him, that I am not angry with him, I am just bummed because when he is gone, Bailey and I miss him so much and then we get super excited for him to come back and he just sleeps!

Anyhow, he brought back some cool stuff his last 2 trips - he was in Bali and brought back some awesome wood carvings for our wall. While in Malaysia he really wanted to get Bailey one of these traditional dresses that he saw the little girls there wearing. He went to a lady to get one and was looking at a size 2 - the lady then asked him how old his daughter was and he said two - she then handed him a size 4 and told him that American babies were much larger than Malaysian babies and to get that size... Well, Bailey MIGHT be able to wear this dress when she is 5... It is HUGE!

While he was in S. Korea recently he was laughing hysterically at how much the people there LOVE Psy. He said he walked past a store where the entire thing was full of stuff with his face on it - I mean anything you could imagine producing with him on it was there... Then he was walking through the streets one day and these school girls walk up to him and say, "Are you American?" He's like yeah - and they say, "Do you know who Psy is??" Ahahahahaha! I was dying! First because obviously he is super lame but number two - Christian HATES pop music! Too funny.

Bailey has become a comedian lately. She says some pretty funny stuff - like, if she comes to me and says that her tummy hurts I ask her if she needs to poo poo - and usually she does. But the other day, I like moaned and she said, "What's wrong mama?" I said, "Oh nothing, my tummy just hurts..." Her response, "Mama, do you need to go poo poo?" LOL!
Or when I sneezed the other day and she turns to me and points her finger and says, "Cover your mouth mama." This girl remembers everything!
I also love the hook from this Bruno Mars song called "Bubble Butt" - sometimes I pinch her little booty and say bubble butt! She yells, "No mama! That's MY bubble butt!" I die. But seriously, I need to stop saying bubble butt...

On another note, Bailey has entered the "I am scared of everything phase..." Here is a little video of that... I'm Scared!

Bailey started swim lessons this week and LOVES them - she has always loved the pool to the point that she just jumps in so I figure if she isn't afraid of the water, then she needs to learn to swim... We will see :)

Monday night we attended the Cedar Rapids Balloon Glow at the Brucemore Mansion. It was so cool! It's basically a huge event with bands, food, and games. You can bring in blankets and coolers and just chill. Once it gets dark, they fill up the balloons and it is so cool to see them light up - here's our video

Cheers! Here is to accepting our cups!