Ah... parenting a 2 year old is not for the faint at heart. Kids this age are hard. They are so demanding, wanting everything instantly - and they give very little in return. Sometimes I feel like a slave to Bailey - I constantly run around fulfilling all of her requests, making her the best, healthiest meals, dressing her in the cutest outfits, bringing her on the most amazing adventures, giving her the nicest room, buying her all the latest toys and still... she bosses, sasses, hits, screams, cries, whines, and worst of all... calls me "Bad Mama". LOL!
This is new. Lately, if Bailey says, "I want Cheerios!" I say, "Not now, you just ate." Then she cries and screams "Bad Mama!" while giving me the dartiest eyes! "Bad Mama" is her reponse to everything... anytime I say no, reprimand, or just plain act indifferent... I get a "Bad Mama".
At first, Christian and I laughed but I have to say it is beginning to hurt my feelings. I have found myself wondering... "Am I a bad mama?"
I certainly have fallen to moments of weakness. Moments where I just give in because I am tired and have been going at it all day. But does that make me a bad mama? I have slightly over-reacted when Bailey peed on the new couch... does that make me a bad mama? I have raised my voice to a roar when she chucked a cup at the back of my head while I was driving because it was empty... does that make me a bad mama?
I have definitely felt embarrassed - like when the head of the gym daycare pulls me from my hot yoga class to tell me that Bailey is getting a discipline slip for hitting... wait for it... a BABY! (over the head with a toy pot) When I tried to defend her by saying that "I am sure she doesn't make the connection that that is a baby and that it hurts..." the lady looks at me in disgust and pure judgement. Oh, my pride. I love these girls in there who run a daycare, yet have never had kids of their own. They look at me like Bailey LEARNED this from me - oh yes, I go around socking people over the top of the head with metal pots and of course I regularly punch strangers... LOL!
Who knows. This job is so hard. Christian used to say, "Must be nice to sleep in and stay home hanging out with Bailey all day..." Until he stayed home with her - and couldn't wait to go back to work!!
My best friend and I talked about it recently - what is the point of all this? Why is it so hard? Why do I feel like a slave to my child? Why is she so demanding?
She directed me to a blog that a friend of hers wrote Leaving it All on the Field
In her writing she expresses how motherhood has really changed her - made her realize that being a mother is a "dying to self". She focuses on what she believes are the two purposes of being a mother
1 - to teach your children about God
2 - to refine you as a mother
I learn so much about myself through Bailey. I learn that when she yells at me - I don't like it. It makes me reflect on moments that I have been less than kind to others. I learn that believing for myself is not enough - I have to teach her to believe. I learn that as far as pride goes, the only thing I should be proud of is that I have made it through this day.
In times of trouble - I have to turn to God. Then I find things like this...
Deuteronomy 6:6-9 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
or
Proverbs 1:8-9 Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.
and finally
Proverbs 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
These words let me know that what I am doing is right - I am being diligent, constant, and firm.
Hopefully one day I will wake, and I will see the fruit of my labor. Until then, I must remember to keep my humor and I guess I have to stick to being a "Bad Mama".
(Saving THIS pic for her wedding day)
(Saving THIS pic for her wedding day)
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| Bailey's "Bad Mama" face |
