Honestly, I haven't done a LOT of things since September... like, run, practice my yoga, cleanse, or have a girls night. Going to mass weekly has also fallen off and just structured prayer in general.
I feel like my internal compass is stuck going in the wrong direction. Am I depressed? Am I bored? Am I heartbroken? Am I overwhelmed?
These are all possibilities.
Before anyone calls in reinforcements, don't worry... I am not going to do anything crazy.
I simply feel like 2014 was so nuts for me! I started the year with our second dog dying Christmas Eve (2013) and getting a new puppy three weeks later.
Then, I left Bailey for 2 weeks to go to Shanghai with Christian.
When we returned, Christian took his new job and we spent all of March working on getting the house ready for the market.
Once that was done, Christian was off to Atlanta in April and I stayed in Iowa with Bailey until May.
Over the summer, we lived in a loft which was MISERABLE - and followed that with the move from HELL and closed on our new home in August. All the while the stress of 2 mortgages hung over my head but praise Jesus!! (in my best Melissa Gorga voice) we closed on our Iowa home in September.
In the midst of all this moving, packing, traveling, and transferring - I also had some personal struggles. Falling outs with old friends, a run in with the cops (I will never tell ;0), and Bailey starting school. As all of this is unfolding, I am still striving to be the best mom that I can be and also the best wife.
It is all hard. I think that one thing that I have found is that those who are still standing with me today even after all that craziness, are the ones who will be there forever.
Stress doesn't bring out the best in people and it certainly didn't for me. I have not been the best friend or even the best person, but some chose to take this moment of weakness in me and attack me while others unconditionally have loved me. I also have learned that at the end of the day, your spouse will be your redeemer. Through all of this, Christian has just stayed strong and been my biggest advocate and most understanding ear. He has let me know when I should have acted differently but loved me all the same.
I felt like many times over the year last year, people were a little thrown off at my half-insane attitude and instead of just supporting me, they tried to FIX me. I don't need fixing. I don't need an intervention. And I don't need criticism and judgement.
I guess, like I said in the beginning, I may have been overly stressed, which definitely left me overwhelmed, which made me vulnerable - and people took advantage, which in the end left me heartbroken.
but I am wiser all the more...
As for my internal compass, I will reference the old adage, "All those who wander are not lost."
I am not lost, just off the beaten path, but I am making my way back!
I am running again, I signed up with a new yoga studio, and am looking forward to an exciting girls weekend next weekend as I go with my best friend Ashleigh wedding dress shopping!!!
I am getting back into my prayer cycle and Christian and I are planning our 10 Year Anniversary trip to St. Maarten! But best of all, I am BLOGGING!!!
|My friend Michelle (middle) visited me from Iowa!|
|Bailey was a pirate for Halloween!|
|Thanksgiving Party at Bailey's school|
|Thanksgiving in Charlotte|
|Going to see Santa!|
|Bailey's teacher, Ms. Laney|
|Bailey turned 4 this past Christmas!|
|but first, let us take a selfie at the party...|
|Christmas morning at our house|
|Otto - 12 months, 100 pounds|
|Bike ride :)|
|On the sky view Ferris Wheel in Atlanta... where I discovered that I HATE heights...|