"She says that Bailey has normal reactions and emotions for a 2 year old, but I totally disagree.
Bailey acts out unprovoked and that is what worries me."
I have never felt such RAGE in my life as I felt when I read these words. These words over a tricycle.
Yes, Bailey scratched another child, over a tricycle... but I think to say that her emotions at 2 are not normal and that she apparently lacks self control is taking it too far. I have heard of parents like this, but this was my first experience. I had to dig deep and find strength in confidence. I don't want to dismiss this as if it wasn't wrong, but I also don't want to escalate it to the point that we will need an investigator...
When this mother called me to tell me about this "scratch" that her son got from Bailey my initial reaction was,
"Again, I am so sorry. You know, she is only 2. Sometimes, kids just can't find the words. Again, I am sorry."
Her response, "Well, what are you going to do to ensure it doesn't happen again?"
Now, even more despondent I say,
"I feel like I did all I could do. I explained why it was unkind, I had her apologize, and I sent her to timeout. What more could I have done?"
If this woman was asking me to sacrifice my own child, she was crazy. This is my LOVE. My LIFE. Christian and I PRAYED so hard for her. God created her out of a MIRACLE.
Her words have haunted me in my sleep. I have woken in the middle of the night just rolling my hands, trying to figure out how to erase such hurtful words from my memory. "Emotions, unprovoked..." ahhhhhh! It is times like these that I wish my mom were here - I know she would have some solid wisdom.
I have found that when I am upset, I find peace in organizing my thoughts, and working through them one by one. This is my diary:
1 - Is it just B or all kids?
I know that Bailey has not learned this from me... after all, I haven't scratched, hit, or bitten anyone is quite a while! So, what causes her to foul? I recall a reading a while back, "Original sin refers to the concrete human condition which is present at the birth of each one of us. We are all born into a world which in fact is already broken; it is present at our birth, and we enter into it. It is about our existence right here and now." With that thought - every child has their faults... right? Aren't kids just reactive? Instinctual? Egotistical? Isn't that what being a parent is all about? Teaching them the RIGHT way?
2 - We Are In This TOGETHER!
Then I calm down and think that as a mom who constantly gives it my all - parenting is EXHAUSTING. We struggle each day to do the best, be stern, fair, and loving all at the same time. We beat ourselves up about our own mistakes - is that not enough? Why must we tear each other down? We are in this together! I dream of a community of moms who lift each other up and work together, after all, it takes a village.
3 - Casting the First Stone
Then I have this idea - I mean, I feel as if this mother is saying, "My child has never done wrong." Her lack of compassion towards my 2 YEAR OLD and myself boasts perfection on her end. My mom once told me to never judge other people's kids... you never know what your own are doing! I remember parents when I was growing up who spent all their energy worrying about what everyone else's kids were doing while completely ignoring their own. You already know how that ended.
4 - Is this the Beginning?
I have 13 nieces and nephews and I have heard it ALL from my brothers and sisters in regard to things in their kids lives. And one thing rings clear... sometimes, shit happens. I mean, if you overreact about a scratch, what will you do when your kid comes home from school with LICE or doesn't get a Social Studies book because of budget cuts, or doesn't get the teacher they wanted, or doesn't get the solo - the list goes on! I think this may be the beginning of a long road of disappointments for myself and my daughter. And while resisting the urge to CUT everyone's throat who hurts her I will say "mark my words TODAY - I will never handicap Bailey by controlling her circumstances to make life effortless for her." Life hasn't been easy for any of us, and we owe it to our kids to give them the same "experience".
5 - What is this really about?
I have to tell myself that when people's reactions are over the top in regard to something small, that there may be something bigger. Am I just the victim of someone else's rage and unhappiness? If so, I will be a victim no longer! I have spent 3 days so hurt over this and will not spend another.
Yes, Bailey scratched another child, over a tricycle... but I think to say that her emotions at 2 are not normal and that she apparently lacks self control is taking it too far. I have heard of parents like this, but this was my first experience. I had to dig deep and find strength in confidence. I don't want to dismiss this as if it wasn't wrong, but I also don't want to escalate it to the point that we will need an investigator...
When this mother called me to tell me about this "scratch" that her son got from Bailey my initial reaction was,
"Again, I am so sorry. You know, she is only 2. Sometimes, kids just can't find the words. Again, I am sorry."
Her response, "Well, what are you going to do to ensure it doesn't happen again?"
Now, even more despondent I say,
"I feel like I did all I could do. I explained why it was unkind, I had her apologize, and I sent her to timeout. What more could I have done?"
If this woman was asking me to sacrifice my own child, she was crazy. This is my LOVE. My LIFE. Christian and I PRAYED so hard for her. God created her out of a MIRACLE.
Her words have haunted me in my sleep. I have woken in the middle of the night just rolling my hands, trying to figure out how to erase such hurtful words from my memory. "Emotions, unprovoked..." ahhhhhh! It is times like these that I wish my mom were here - I know she would have some solid wisdom.
I have found that when I am upset, I find peace in organizing my thoughts, and working through them one by one. This is my diary:
1 - Is it just B or all kids?
I know that Bailey has not learned this from me... after all, I haven't scratched, hit, or bitten anyone is quite a while! So, what causes her to foul? I recall a reading a while back, "Original sin refers to the concrete human condition which is present at the birth of each one of us. We are all born into a world which in fact is already broken; it is present at our birth, and we enter into it. It is about our existence right here and now." With that thought - every child has their faults... right? Aren't kids just reactive? Instinctual? Egotistical? Isn't that what being a parent is all about? Teaching them the RIGHT way?
2 - We Are In This TOGETHER!
Then I calm down and think that as a mom who constantly gives it my all - parenting is EXHAUSTING. We struggle each day to do the best, be stern, fair, and loving all at the same time. We beat ourselves up about our own mistakes - is that not enough? Why must we tear each other down? We are in this together! I dream of a community of moms who lift each other up and work together, after all, it takes a village.
3 - Casting the First Stone
Then I have this idea - I mean, I feel as if this mother is saying, "My child has never done wrong." Her lack of compassion towards my 2 YEAR OLD and myself boasts perfection on her end. My mom once told me to never judge other people's kids... you never know what your own are doing! I remember parents when I was growing up who spent all their energy worrying about what everyone else's kids were doing while completely ignoring their own. You already know how that ended.
4 - Is this the Beginning?
I have 13 nieces and nephews and I have heard it ALL from my brothers and sisters in regard to things in their kids lives. And one thing rings clear... sometimes, shit happens. I mean, if you overreact about a scratch, what will you do when your kid comes home from school with LICE or doesn't get a Social Studies book because of budget cuts, or doesn't get the teacher they wanted, or doesn't get the solo - the list goes on! I think this may be the beginning of a long road of disappointments for myself and my daughter. And while resisting the urge to CUT everyone's throat who hurts her I will say "mark my words TODAY - I will never handicap Bailey by controlling her circumstances to make life effortless for her." Life hasn't been easy for any of us, and we owe it to our kids to give them the same "experience".
5 - What is this really about?
I have to tell myself that when people's reactions are over the top in regard to something small, that there may be something bigger. Am I just the victim of someone else's rage and unhappiness? If so, I will be a victim no longer! I have spent 3 days so hurt over this and will not spend another.
So, I am done. I will not let this "Proud Parent" boast in my face any longer. I am still hurt, but I will not let this fog my thoughts another day.
I love you Bailey and there is nothing that you could ever do to change that. I love your graces and your flaws all the same. Always remember this.
- Mom
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| Tea with Daddy |
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| Met Daddy at U of Iowa in Iowa City for dinner while he was in school :) This is the famous "Field House" |
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| My friend Logan got me this cup, "Mommy's Sippy Cup" |
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| Pat and Logan visited from Chicago - we ate all weekend... again. Logan is the skinniest person I know, so we like to joke that she ate all of this... |
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| These came in the mail! Holler! |
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| Hoarding toys under the table |
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| Getting a tattoo at the farmers market |
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| B loves baseball but does NOT like mascots... |
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| Sweetness |
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| Cool public display at Newbo - downtown... |
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| Christian is really getting on my nerves with his mockery of pictures... |
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| Took B bowling for the first time! She got a strike! |
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| This is my neighbor's patio - she invites me over for wine sometimes but I am seriously obsessed with her garden... |
