Adoption

Bailey just turned 4 and Christian and I are feeling that heat.  That pressure that it is time to add another child to our family...
Believe me, we want more.  LOTS more.  If you followed my blog from the beginning, you know our story.  The miscarriages, the treatments, the ultimate infertility, and finally the miracle of adoption.

I was the youngest of five children and Christian was the oldest of four.  We LOVE big families.  We are both in agreement that we are addicted to chaos - meaning that if our life starts getting monotonous, we shake it up with something crazy.  Whether it be a renovation of the house, getting a new pet, or taking a trip we think that desire for chaos comes from being in a big family.  There was ALWAYS something going on.  Someone going somewhere or doing something.  We NEED it in our lives.

Before we knew we could not have biological children, we wanted a HUGE family!  I wanted like 4 or 5 kids... seriously.  So does Christian.  But, the reality is - adoption is hard and it is very expensive.
I would LOVE to be able to just pop out some kids anytime I want under our 100% covered healthcare plan!  But for us, it will be hard.

The question that everyone wants to know when we talk about adoption is "How much did it cost?"
I think there are so many myths out there and people just want to know the truth.
You can take many avenues to adopt but we chose to work with a Christian Agency, Bethany Christian Services.  They were great!  I really liked working with an agency, especially for our first time.  They are super informative and they really do care.  I really liked Bethany because they genuinely have the birthmother's interest at heart.  What does that mean?  Well, they will never pressure anyone to choose or follow through with adoption.  They realize that ultimately if a birthmother chooses to keep her child, then that is what is best.
It is a hard pill to swallow as adoptive parents... you secretly want them working for you!  But you have to be honest with yourself - and trust.

So to answer everyone's question... How much?  I must first say that there is a taboo to talking about the cost of adoption.  I have no idea why... adoption websites never list the cost and many won't even talk about it until you sign up.  To me, it's not like asking someone how much they make... I just think people are curious!  And for us, it explains a lot.  People want to know why we haven't done it a second time, and the answer is the money!  Like I said, we used an agency so it was a little more expensive - about $35,000 to be exact.

Why so much!?!?  Is the obvious second question.  And to that, I am not sure.  Many think that birthmothers get that money and that is 100% wrong.  If a birthmother chooses you and needs financial assistance - that is extra... AND there is no guarantee that she will follow through and no legal avenue to recoup that money.  You obviously have the choice on whether or not to help as well.
The biggest of the expense is the agency fee.  Ours was about $23,000.  This seems like a lot but you have several people working for you during the long process.  You have social workers, counselors, filers, etc... This cost is also subsidized by the agency who depends on donations from others because it is obviously more costly than that on their end.
The other expenses are the Home Study which is around $6000, attorney fees - $4000, applications and paperwork - $2000 and about $1000 more on your adoption profile, background checks and other various expenses that come along.
The government does offer the Federal Adoption Tax Credit which is between $12-13,000 which helps... but ours came at the cost of an intense tax audit :(  Good thing I keep everything!

Now, without a doubt it is worth it.  I don't think that it is "too expensive" - but I do think that more could be done to make it more affordable.
A lot of people ask why I don't just adopt myself or network.  I guess that is an option, but there are so many risks and so many scams out there.  An agency prevents all of that, plus you have someone working full time on your case!  It is a toss up of course.

This year, our goal is to set aside enough money to go for it again next year.  I am not sure how we are going to do that (now that we pay an arm and a leg for Catholic School) but I do know that a LOT of prayer will be involved!  Some of my friends tell me to fundraise or to start a GoFundMe page - still chewing on that.  I lean towards thinking that it is kind of tacky - but everyone tells me that they would totally donate!  LOL!

In the end, we are there.  That point... that point where you want more... you want a bigger family.  Oh, and no pressure that Bailey asks EVERYDAY for a sister ;-)

If you read this blog, keep your ears open!  Miracles happen everyday and you never know when someone's unexpected can become someone else's miracle :)

xoxo

Katie