Blessings, Bliss, and Bailey: Healing a Broken Heart

This has been a tough year for us and our beloved pets. We lost our dear South back in January and on Christmas Eve, we lost Monk.

I am not going to lie, I have been a mess. With South, I locked myself in the house for a week and just cried… but with Monk, it has been different. When South died, I still had Monk who was arguably the most upset - that forced me to heal and focus on healing him. We bought him all new toys, a new bed, and he became the most spoiled member of this house :)

We had gone home to North Carolina for Christmas and while there I had a good high school friend do my hair… I get a call from our house sitter… I knew the minute my phone rang that something was wrong - she NEVER calls… I answered and I heard her crying. Her husband had gone to buy Monk some more toys and when he returned to the house, Monk was laying in the foyer, dead.

I just fell apart. Here I am with a friend that I have not seen in 10 years and a half a head of foils and am losing it! (a little embarrassing) but most of all completely shocked with this news.
Monk was healthy! He had just been to the vet - The night before they texted me a picture of him playing with his frisbee… It just did not make sense.
The worst part was that we were not there. I could not believe that I would never see him again, never hold him, never play with him. I had to call the crematorium and they came to pick him up.
He is gone.

Once I left the salon I just got in my car and completely crumbled. I called Christian and I could tell that he was hurting, but boys don't cry :(
I just wanted to go home and hold Monk one last time. Our distance combined with sadness then allowed for all other emotions to enter… guilt, regret, emptiness, hopelessness, homesickness, and broken heartedness.

I started playing that past week back in my head. We left Saturday morning and as we were pulling out of the driveway Monk was just looking at us, kind of sad. I even called the house sitter and told her that we had just left and that Monk looked a little pathetic… I have even wondered if he knew he was dying but just waiting for us to leave.

We bought Monk a month after we married. We thought it was meant to be since he was born on the night of our rehearsal dinner. He was such a cute puppy all black and tan and I kept joking that he looked like a monkey - so we called him Monk.
Soon after we got him, Christian and I moved to DC. On the way, we drove through the Blue Ridge and camped and hiked. Monk was so good.
Shortly after our time in DC we bought South. Him and Monk were only a month apart in age. They were best buds.

Monk had the best disposition. He was big, obedient, fierce, protective, and loyal but mostly sweet. Everyone we met said that he had completely changed their opinion of Rottweilers. He was like a Saint :)
Monk was different than South in a lot of ways. He loved to be cuddled and rubbed. He also loved running. That part saddens me the most - my loyal running companion is gone. Him and I have probably run 10,000 miles together.

Most of all Monk was such a good brother to Bailey. She really loved him. And she showed it in the usual toddler way - pulling his tail, stepping on his feet, jumping on him, and trying to ride him. Poor Monk :( But recently, their bond had strengthened. Bailey often requested that he sleep in her room because she was scared of monsters :( He was so good.

Monk was definitely a guard dog. We lived in inner city Atlanta for 8 years and never had an incident while everyone around us was. He never let anyone get near our house or us. We joked that when we moved to Iowa that he and South got to go into retirement. But once here, he still found ways to work.
A few weeks ago I swore someone was rummaging in the garage so I opened the door and said "Get em!" He took off running and growling and then barking. I walked out to see what he had and saw the meter guy with his hands over his head! Monk had him cornered waiting on the command to finish him off… poor guy. They haven't read our meter since… they just keep estimating our bill! LOL!

His obedience was second to none. I never had to put him on a leash - except to keep him from all those ding-dongs walking their dogs on retractable leashes… I could run a marathon and he would just run step for step with me.

Losing Monk has been especially hard. When South died, I had to be strong for Monk. But now that Monk is gone, I can't be strong. I am so weak.

I told Christian that I feel as if a part of my heart is gone forever. Something has been lost, so suddenly. I think about Monk and South in heaven, running and playing. I know they are there. Dogs have souls - pure souls.

Theologians say that the only way that God could describe his love to us was by sacrificing his own son. He new that was something that we could all relate to - the loss of a son, brother, friend. Recently, I have thought he could have just as well sacrificed his dog :) I swear, I have cried just as hard over my dogs as losing my mother. I can honestly tell you that the emotions are no different. Maybe I am weird.

We returned home Monday and it has by far been the most difficult few days. I think while I was away, I was so distracted and had no privacy to be weak. I think I in some way lied to myself and tried to believe that I was fine. But the minute we opened the garage and Monk didn't come running out I knew that I was not. Then we entered the house - his bowl, his bed, his toys and his absence hit me like a train.

We miss Monk so much. This house is so quiet and so empty. I feel that I don't have it in my heart to give as passionate of a dedication as I did South - I am just finding it hard to find the words.
I had a dream when we got home. It was so vivid. I was laying in bed and Monk came up to me and I could feel his breath on my face. I opened my eyes and he wasn't there. But I know that he really was.

We love you and miss you Monk ~